Rules of the Road

4 or 5 times a week you'll find me out jogging on the local trail. I run about 16 miles a week. Now, I'm normally a rather easy going type, but lately some of you have been getting on my nerves, big time.

So it's time to establish some rules of basic etiquette:

1. When I fail to speak to you, it's not because I'm rude. See, I'm a fat old guy (though I still have all my hair). Often times I'm huffing and puffing, straining to make it back. If I fail to say "good morning" I'm not rude, I'm just out of breath. Trust me, if I were to attempt to say something, nothing would come out.
2. Clean up after your dog. It's a park, not a doggie bathroom, okay? 'Nuff said.
3. Slow traffic, keep right. This is for all you fat old ladies trudging down the middle of the trail in your velour jogging suits. Your butt is big, but it's not so big that there's not room for both of us on the trail, if you will just move over a little and let me pass.
4. Keep your dog on a short leash and away from others, especially me. This is goes double for those of you with your puny, yappy dogs. I love dogs, except for the little yappy kinds. But don't let your dog try and smell me as I go by, he might trip me.
   

Thanks for your cooperation. If everyone will follow these simple rules, I promise to pretend not to notice how big that jogging suit makes your butt look.